i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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