Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize