there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
