I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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