i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
