How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
