Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
