a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
