One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize