i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
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