if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize