There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
