Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
