making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
