and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
