He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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