somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
