i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
