Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I could fuck to npr.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
