every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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