I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
