not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
