so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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