i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
