you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I love having hate sex.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Randomize
