so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
