why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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