I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
