I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
