According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
