fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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