She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
