After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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