Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Help. Why am I so naked?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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