just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
