woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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