I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
a search helicopter?!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Randomize
