So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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