dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i will never coherently bang her
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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