Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
