I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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