Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
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