Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
