I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
