are you so shy because you have an std?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
