there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
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