Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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