Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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