can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
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