I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
