Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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