then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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