My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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