So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
