So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
