Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
