so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
