Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize