Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
