It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
pop tarts are not kleenex
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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