This is not my ceiling
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
