the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
