You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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