Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
