she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
well you can't waste a boner
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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