Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
