Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
