I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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