So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
