Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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