I want to have your abortion
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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