I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize