He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
