We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
