I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
there is glitter all over my balls
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
