I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
