"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
